Monday, so as per usual i was a bit sluggish. as well as the fact that i stayed up a bit late last night. theres a chance rook may be coming over in feb!! but shh, more info on that after i talk it over with my parents. today i actually managed to make it to my first period, english. ive been missing that class for weeks due to my tardiness. man, i should really catch up on my schoolwork. anyway, first period is cool i guess. theres this guy who talks with me sometimes. odd, i never expected him to be so friendly towards me. but he's a pretty cool guy. forgot his name. after that is second period, photo. i kinda hate that class. on one hand its okay cause i dont do much in it but the teacher annoys me so much. hes the gym teacher as well, so he's always shouting every fucking word he says. and this guy either hates his life or is way too passionate about photos. one time a kid didn't know what to do and he guessed "we just take pictures of whatever?" and this guy responds "NO. ITS NOT OF WHAT-EVER." so damn loud. we get it bro, its photos. its not that serious. its old school photography, a dying medium. well good riddance i guess cause i hate that class. third is drone, yeah a drone class, pretty crazy right? i dont even like drones but since im new to this school tthey gave me whatever was left. its a cool class. teacher is pretty awesome! though, we don't really fly drones that often in it. but i dont really care tbh. i used to hate my fourth period, math the most but lately something odd has been happening... ive been kinda sorta maybe been understanding the material. odd right? i can actually solve some questions. what is happening? 5th, medical. is really boring. but i dont really care cause i just draw and play coolmathgames in that class. 6th, history is alright. my teachers are cool in that class, theres two in that one (same for math). but for this one he's like a jr teacher apprentice kinda thing. he's so chill, and he's fun to talk with.
There's these group of kids who don't seem to like me very much. im not sure what exactly i did, but im assuming its cause they think im weird or something. i used to hang out with them but i was a very awkward. i still kind of am, its something im working on. after isolating myself for so long i had forgotten how to converse with others. i used to be good friends with their "leader", Mattias. but now he doesn't want anything to do with me. it sucks cause we would talk about stuff together and share our experiences. i guess none of it mattered to him as much as it did to me. ugh!!!! he pisses me off so much!!! him and his stupid fucking friends!! they all think they're so cool cuz they smoke and act all nonchalant. and they constantly judge others. i hate having to walk by them, seeing them waddle together like some stupid penguins. fuck you matt, i hate you. you think its cool to judge others just cause they're different than you and your gay little punk friends. just cause ur in the punk scene doesn't give you a right to be a dick. oh but i bet you love people calling you that. "haha yeah i guys im a dick" hes the type of guy to call himself an asshole and think its cool or something. dick. i bet you love them too huh, in your mouth. FUCKING HOMO!!!!! sorry. that was uncalled for. gay ppl are cool im just upset rn. i wish i had friends... at times i feel like a loser. but ik im not. im somebody!! but its just hard sometimes. he gets me so mad. i wanna beat him up so bad. with my hands and a weapon maybe. ive thought about a potential plan many times but i can't do it. not anymore. i want to be better. thats the whole reason i moved in the first place. violent, murderous ideations. ive been to therapy for it because it got really bad. but i don't want to throw my life away anymore. ive found a purpose, and ive realized that a lot of this is a social game. nobody is truly "lesser" than someone. we're all equal. everyone deserves a chance. everyone deserves to be heard. im gonna try to talk to more people, step out of my comfort zone. im gonna see what stories they have to bring. nobody deserves to feel alone.
The school is doing a Dia de los Muertos event on friday. i want to celebrate the tradition this year. in my life, ive never really celebrated the event. but now, things are different. im going to go. i've had this theory that dead may not be so dead after all. theres this monarch butterfly that always follows me around. its been that way ever since the day i changed my life. on that day, it landed on my hand. of all places, this butterfly chose to land on my hand. so much stuff were going on in my life at the time and for a moment it seemed like everything stopped. i believe thats when my old self truly died. and i was born. its been said that monarch butterflies are spirits of the dead. and that they are connection between the living and the dead. so now i wonder, who could this be? what does this mean? why follow me? what is the message? whose spirit is this? i have many questions, but not many answers right now. a lot of people who inspire me have long since passed, but their stories stay with me forever. im gonna do them proud. peaceland!
Yours truly,
Almost Omelette.